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It's spring, and the sun is out.

I should be starting to feel better, but I'm not. I'm tired all the time.

Part of this is how much I'm doing right now - I work full time, and most days I come home and do another 3 or 4 hours of work. Then I go to sleep. There's so much to do...

To Do:
Taxes
Dishes
Finish zines
Draw new tcaf posters
Draw new banner
Redo Privilege posters
Check comic emails
Laundry
Grocery shopping
Work clothes shopping
By med supplies


When I'm not working, I feel inert. Every day the worst part of my day is finding the energy to pull myself out of bed, but now I'm feeling like that all the time.

The thing I hate the most about this is how boring this makes me.

I'm tired. I'm too tired to go out to fun events, I'm too tired to see my friends, I'm too tired for sex, and I'm too tired for adventures. I feel like I'm wasting the best parts of my relationships on a couch in front of a tv.

I'm stressed and anxious. I'm worried about money, about people, about living up to my responsibilities, about fucking things up. I'm worried about things I shouldn't be worried about. I feel like I'm wasting the best parts of my relationships by needing emotional care instead of being a good partner.

Things are going to be ok, right?
Yes. Things will be fine.

Will I get everything finished on time? I'm being a terrible partner. I haven't responded to emails in over 2 months. I'm dropping balls and messing everything up. Everyone is going to get so tired of me. They'll look for new people and they'll find people who are better than me. I hate how I look. I hate how I feel. I just want everything to stay the same. My fingers hurt. I just want to go back to bed. I want to forget everything. I'm ruining everything. I'm going to be alone.

I feel rigid and brittle. I manage change poorly. I obsess over small things and let them root me to the ground. I feel like I'm wasting the best parts of my relationships by forcing my partners to stay weighed down by my indecision and inflexibility.

Hey, remember I asked about that event next month last week? How are you feeling about that now?
I don't know. I can't.... Can we just ... not talk about this right now?

I miss being sexy, and I miss looking forward to things. I miss feeling like I'm good for the people I love. I miss being interesting and fun.

I hate this, and I hate waiting for it to get better. I hate feeling like I'm made of broken parts and the world is full of people made of excitement and novelty.

Don't delay! Trade in and upgrade your robot today!

But I'm so fucking tired.