…and this must be Hippo! Can I pat her?

Sure, she’s friendly.

Oh, well..she doesn’t really like -

… I’d suggest scritching her on the…

She’s into being patted on her side - no, not like that, just….

Ok, ok, give her here.

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you weren’t licensed to pat this model of cat.

Technique

New Comic! Have you ever had someone try to interact with your cat, and they're not being mean or anything, they're just doing it wrong? They're touching all the wrong catparts with the wrong kinds of pats and you know that the cat is like wtf are these pats and you're just sort of watching helplessly, this mutually unfulfilling patting interaction? When my partner first met Oskar, they picked him up and, for reasons even they haven't been able to articulate, lightly shook him, thus setting the tone for their future interactions for the next 3 years. Transcript below:

…and this must be Hippo! Can I pat her?

Sure, she’s friendly.

Oh, well..she doesn’t really like -

… I’d suggest scritching her on the…

She’s into being patted on her side - no, not like that, just….

Ok, ok, give her here.

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you weren’t licensed to pat this model of cat.