A while ago:
Hey mom,
Do you remember your old high school music teacher? He's been charged with sexually assaulting a student! Can you believe that someone would say that about him?
Can I believe it?
He was the most popular teacher in the school.
One Christmas, the band pitched in and bought him a vanity plate for his car.
He was known for his dedication to his students - his office door was always open, he was always around early morning and after hours to talk and jam.
Everyone loved him.
....Mr. Barett kissed me. A while ago.
What?
Heh...yeah.
Did anything else happen?
No...I don't want to talk about this. Forget it. Don't tell anyone!
We had just graduated. That school was behind us. I think my friend felt...complicated about what happened. Kids often do when kind and charismatic adults pay special attention to them. That's normal.
Now that more allegations have come to light, here's what people have been saying:
This is ridiculous! He's been a community leader for decades!
Well, he shouldn't have done it, but you know how high school girls are...they get infatuated, practically throw themselves at male teachers.
Are you sure she's not just looking for attention?
Well, nothing like that ever happened to ME.
Even my own mother....
It's just such a sad way to end a career.
Mom I don't give a fuck about his career.
I regret not continuing that conversation with my friend. I knew then that it wasn't good, but I also think I knew what people would say if I encouraged my friend to come forward. I think we both did.
It's hard to communicate how powerless you feel when you're young, and how keenly you know the worth of your own voice to adults.
After all, it was just one kiss, right?
I know now that charming men who hurt girls under their power never stop at one. I think I knew it then too, but the thought of action was so indescribably overwhelming. It was a fantasy, not a possibility.
I wish we were better at recognizing that usually the people who successfully pray on young people aren't the creepy hermits, the scary strangers...
They're teachers, family and friends, priests, and coaches. They're kind and confident and affable and generous and charismatic. People love them. They are charming and manipulative and smart.
That way, when the truth comes out, they have a community standing behind them.
I'm watching again as people stand behind a predator, eager to blame the character of a girl rather than admit that someone they love can be a monster.
We're watching in the media, as people mourn the personalities who have committed heinous acts, with "But I really loved his work", "He seems like such a good guy". "He's a feminist! He would never!"
People will grasp for excuses for you, Mr. Barrett, but out of the thousands of students you helped, harming even one is fucking unacceptable.
But it's never just one, is it?
Knowing what I know now, would I tell my friend to speak up? Of course. I'm an adult. It's my job to protect children.
But who was protecting her back then?
