Identities are these weird, nebulous, very personal things that people have. It is very hard to define an identity, but everyone has at least one!
Engineer
Leathertop
Father
Survivor
But for such a fuzzy idea, there seem to be a lot of people trying to enforce rules around how a person can identify....
Person:You didn't fill out this form correctly. You have to put real answers down?
Person2: 'Asexual' isn't a real orientation.
Sometimes it feels like people assume that a person's identity is either fixed, and the idea that people can (or should) have only one sexual orientation, gender identity, or any other identity orientation is still held by some people...
(you can't change who you are)
...but we have enough narratives of 'finding yourself' that the idea of discovering a 'true' or 'real' identity is pretty common. The problem is, those stories still emphasize that for each person there is one true identity that they either know or must discover.
But I think identity always changes and evolves. There's no 'end', there's just the understanding of what you are or aren't from moment to moment. Even when you have what feels like a fixed, stable identity...
Person: I'm straight! i've always been straight! I'll always be straight!
...what that identity means, how it is indicated and performed, and how it 'fits' who you are changes over time. The label may stay the same, but the person doesn't.
But it feels like we encounter a lot of resistance if we undergo a number of identity changes that involve modifying how we socially present and identify ourselves.
2003:
A: I'm a woman!
B: Of course.
2006:
A: I'm a trans man!
B: Very well, sir! I'm glad you've figured out who you are.
2012:
A: I'm a genderqueer woman!
B: Wait, so that was a LIE? Or were you just confused? You should make up your mind, it's not fair for the rest of us.
But even identities that seem very different (or at odds with each other) can be embodied faithfully and honestly by the same person at different times - or even at the same time!
But what is perceived as inconsistent identifies is often framed as a betrayal of trust or as a deception:
A: Carly? Why are you dressed like that? And why do people here keep calling you by a different name than we do? Which one is the 'real' you?
B: It's all the real me! This is who I am in this space, but I'm still me!
A: God, it's like i don't even KNOW you.
But we all do this to some extent!
Person:
Uses male pronouns at work but prefers that friends use ze/zir.
Dresses office-casual on weekdays, goth on weekends, and cottage casual with family
Speaks Canotese with one group of friends and english with others.
Is quiet and reserved in knitting group, swears like a sailor at the gym, and shares cheesy puns with partners.
My own timeline goes in a few directions, but almost all of these were true, cherished, and faithful identities, except when I was trying to be 'normal'.
QUESTIONING: I..I think I have a crush on a girl. But that's not good. Or is it? Oh gosh...
Straight: Haha, nope, only boys. 100% heterosexual. I'm just going to go ahead and puuuush those feelings down.
Lesbian: woooooo!
Bisexual: Hm, I seem to like this man. That's cool.
Queer: hmmm, bi doesn't feel like it's what is inside me. I just feel like I'm going in so many different directions. I really like the feel of 'queer'.
Genderqueer: Identifying as a woman made sense up before, but not the way I feel and act doesn't make that feel right. The identity of genderqueer non-binary seems to address the tensions and challenges I'm feeling around what gender means.
Future...?
A: AHA! So it was a phase after all? I knew it!
B: ....which one?
B: Also? Fuck you.
My point is, everyone changes! From little things...
Person: I used to hate mushrooms, but now I love them!
To big things!
Person: I never thought I'd want be a parent, but I can't imagine anything different now.
What an awesome adventure!
Introvert
Canadian
Dog lover
Switch
Daughter
Webcomic Artist
Enbee
Fluid
Partner
Information Specialist
Cat Owner
Feminist
Activist
Crazy
