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When I first met Oskar, he was a stray, hanging out in the hallway of my apartment building.
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I decided to keep him safe in case his owners could find him. But I noticed that he wasn't neutered...

Maybe we should name him 'Balls'.
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The Humane Society were pretty helpful:

If you want to look after him, that's great, that helps us out. I can't recommend neutering him for at least 4 weeks, until we know that no one is looking for him. After that, we can pick him up or you can decide if you want him.
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But there was a problem.

He keeps fucking my stuff.
mrroow
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Fortunately, my friend worked at a fabric store and had an idea.

Here, here's a piece of nice, soft, furry fabric. Whenever he's screwing your things, just throw the blanket at him, it feels like another cat.
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And it worked!

mrrooow
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Finally, 4 weeks passed and..

Snip!
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Well buddy, I guess you want need this anymore. It's the end of an era.
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But then

Oskar, it's the middle of the night, what are you - my cashmere sweater!

What have i don]e?
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Every night since then, Oskar raids my laundry, my drawers, and my closet for my softest, finest fabrics, and fucks them.

mroow mmmmororrrrrw
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And it's all my fault.