Transcript

It's just that 'born in the wrong body' has become this shorthand for explaining the trans experience, and it's totally inadequate.

Plus it contributes to the medicalization of trans bodies, and reinforces categories like pre, post, and non op, which many of us don't relate to...

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Hold on, what does 'non op' mean?

Well, getting surgery, especially genital reassignment surgery, isn't something that all trans people want to do. A trans woman might be very happy with her penis.

But if she has a penis, doesn't that make her a man?

(sigh)
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Look, this isn't really the best time to go through that, we're in the middle of a conversation...

Don't you think it's problematic to want people to be supportive of your cause, but then you refuse to explain simple things to them?
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A lot of discussions about trans and genderqueer identities, especially online, get derailed like this.

While it's true that when people are talking about identities and experiences outside your own, the language and concepts can seem overwhelming...

Trans
*
Non-Binary
HRT
GRS
TERF
Transmysogyny
Trans-erasure
Transphobia
Socialized gender
Biological determinism
Gender norms
Cissexism
[c]A[m/f]AB

Although it's not like this is unique to this topic...

DM
APM
Speedlings
Protoss
Tank
Spending quotient
RCR
gg/glhf
DPS
Lag
Hasu

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The people who are having conversations around trans and gender topics are constantly demanded stop to do the (free) work of educating, explaining, and justifying their positions and identities.

As a result, instead of having the conversations we want to have, we have this conversation over and over and over again.
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Ok, so, 'trans' refers to a person whose gender does not align with their assigned gender a birth.

But...
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This is especially frustrating when great resources for self-education are really easy to find

Google: non-binary gender
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To some people, it may seem like this:

So I have to do homework just to join in? How elitist.
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But to me it feels like we're always having this happen:

I was kind of frustrated with how Donna's character was written. I felt like she wasn't given an opportunity to really contribute to the resistance.

Huh. I had a different take on Donna. I felt that -

Who's Donna?

She's the main character in a sci-fi book we've read. I felt like even though she wasn't actively fighting the xandorits-

Whoa, whoa, fighting who? What was the fight about?
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Um.. maybe you should just read the book. Then you can join in without being confused.

That's ridiculous! Why would I read the book when you two can just tell me about it?

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I'm certainly not suggesting that you have to be an academic or social theorist to speak about these things.

I'm just saying that when you witness a conversation around experiences that you don't share, such as gender, trans issues, racism, ableism or any other social dynamics. be aware about whether you're derailing the topic by demanding explanations, definitions, or justifications.

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Part of being a good ally is taking responsibility for your own education, and, most importantly, listening to the people you're trying to support.

It's not like you can never ask questions. There's a difference between this:

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Transmisogyny?? I've never heard of that. How is that even a thing?
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And this:

Hey, I'm a little confused about some of the concepts you and Sena were talking about before, do you know of a good website I could check out or something?
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Like there's a difference between this:

Wait wait, I'm confused. What's the main character's name? And why is she on the moon??
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and this:

That book sounds pretty interesting - do you have a copy I could borrow?

Because if people want to contribute to conversations like this:

This 'passing' concept cisnormative bullshit.
We need to address issues of racial appropriation of non-binary genders.
This Bill C-279 thing is fucking terrifying. What can we do?
There is a largely unacknowledged epidemic of violence towards black trans women.
How can we make LGBT spaces safer for trans and genderqueer people?
I'm scared.

They need to take responsibility for this:

Trans 101.

Derail

Posted on May 12, 2015 by Robot Hugs
New comic! New comic! I remember that I was doing this exact thing, I was asking for explanations and definitions in a conversation about disability, and I just wanted to help, and I thought if they just could explain this concept to me that I hadn’t heard before, then I could help more. I remember my friend turning to me and saying, not unkindly, ‘I bet, if you tried, you’d find some really excellent blog posts about this’. I’m fortunate that I got the implied ‘shut up’ there.And she was right. I've seen people online react really badly when someone gives them a link and says ‘I think you’ll have a better idea of what we’re talking about if you look this over’. We’re expected to slow down, be patient, be kind, be clear, we’re expected to be knowledgeable and articulate and calm and accommodating. We’re expected to do this for free, as a basic part of our identities, the constant willingness to educate. Often we’re expected to do this in order to receive ‘support’ from people. It would just be really wonderful to be able to talk about gender without constantly landing back into 101.