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My friend Dal has just asked me to use 'them/them' pronouns from now on.

Oh cool, good for Dal.

No! Not cool! It's just impossible to use without being confusing! 'They went to the market' - who? One person? Lots of people? It muddles language too much to be useful.

Look... Despite the fact that singular 'they' has been used historically and currently to refer to a person who is genderqueer or gender-unknown...

" And whoso fyndeth hym out of swich blame, They wol come up.." - Chaucer
" For they say every body is in love once in their lives, and I shall have been let off easily. ." - Jane Austen,
" There's not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend" - Shakespeare


...people still suggest it makes conversations too confusing to follow:

I see what you mean! I mean, consider this:

The group will be having a picnic this afternoon. Dal has to leave early to walk their dog. This evening, they will go flower picking.

Exactly!

Who goes flower picking? Dal? The group? WHO??!?!

Well yeah, that is ambiguous. But we already deal with this problem all the time:

"John laughed sadly as Bob straighten his collar"

But, I wouldn't write it that way. I'd say "John laughed sadly, letting Bob straighten his collar" or something.

Exactly! You're already doing this! You know how to resolve ambiguity:

The group will be having a picnic this afternoon, though Dal has to leave early to walk their dog. This evening, the rest of the group will go flower picking.

The group will be having a picnic this afternoon. Dal has to leave early to walk their dog. This evening, Dal will go flower picking.

Even when it does happen, it's.... not hard to fix....

The group will be having a picnic this afternoon, though Dal has to leave early to walk their dog. This evening, they - Dal, I mean, will go flower picking.

The worst case scenario:

The group will be having a picnic this afternoon, though Dal has to leave early to walk their dog. This evening, they will go flower picking.

Which 'they' will be flower picking?

Hm? Oh, the rest of the group.

Ah.

...

...

Guess the world didn't end after all.

I know you can be a great friend to Dal by believe them when they tell you who they are, and using correct language to refer to them.

It's hard to change how you talk and write, I know! Have some tips!

- read writing by genderqueer folks and see how they refer to themselves and others
- Practice!
Dal is my friend. They have a dog and two cats. On Thursday they'll be joining me for dinner.
When you get it wrong, correct yourself and move on.
He - I mean, they, will be bringing a dessert.
- Use the pronouns people ask you to!
It's basic respect!